Through the bottle neck of frustration and into understanding.

This is my favorite part. The deadline is near, the training is intense. The opportunities for lessons learned are everywhere. The vehicle to those lessons is the skiing. But the lessons learned are all round the skiing.

I have been working on something specific, trying to make a change in my skiing that is appantly really hard for me to make. It's been three months of work to try to deepen my understanding.

I really enjoy this part of the learning process, and I was lucky enough to have about three weeks of dedicated training in which to diagnose the problem, train towards changing the movement, check my understanding, refocus my diagnosis, refine the movement. This meant drilling at slow speeds on groomed easy runs, which for me is the fun part! Yay!

This movement pattern is important, fundamental, and I didn't want to take it off piste or in the bumps until I had made, and kept to some extent, this change in my skiing. I kept bumping into the opportunity to see if I could stick with it.

So the fun part for me is learning to enjoy the bottleneck. When the movement isnt changing. Or when ive felt the change, but I can't keep it for some reason. It's like walking into a wall over and over again. And you want the change, and you've put the time in, and you've been so disciplined about sticking with no other thought in your skiing other than this one singular piece.

You have digested it, turned it over and inside out, broken it down into pieces and put it back into its whole again. And you can't own it. And you have a choice. You can say, screw it, this is frustrating, I need to blow out the cobwebs, or I'm going home, or I want to play in the bumps. Or, you can find a creative way to back off but stay with the thought.

We are here to make this change. So I begin to look for the thrill in the idea of pushing though. All the emotional stuff comes up. I suck, I've gotten as far as i will get. I don't get it. I may never get it. And we go out and drill again. I have learned, over time, to observe these emotions with curiosity rather than with judgement. I know when I hear those voices that are telling me to back off that I am getting close. That becoming comfortable with that place where I am SUCKING at this is the place where the learning takes place, it's the place where's the beginners mind is. It's a scary freakin place!

And it's a place that not a lot of people understand. "Why do you take this so seriously, Howe?" I hear this a lot. "you need to just go out and ski. Stop thinking."

The thing is, that doesn't really work for me. I like this part! I don't have a problem not focusing, thats the easy part. I don't have a problem going out for a fun run. But nurturing the discipline to problem solve my way through the bottleneck of frustration leads to the most wonderful openings and deepenings.

There is bliss on the other side of frustration. And feeling the frustration as an opportunity to grow even more specific and disciplined is where the lesson lies for me this time.

We had to go back days in a row before we could pick up where we left off. But my understanding changed, and my skiing changed. And I skied it for another three days, just to be sure that I got it, from all sides, and then, oh man, I took it off piste. I had my fun runs. And it was like eating desert.

Delicious.

Your mind is a rubber band.

I had a bit of an epiphany last night as I was laying in bed falling asleep. This post is about riding the emotional roller coaster. I believe to some extent that that roller coaster is not only good, but necessary. I also believe that we tend to do one of two things: indulge in it or ignore it all together, neither of which is healthy.

In yoga, Bikram particularly, we learn that our bodies are different every day, and that that is okay. More than okay, that is the nature of the body. If we come to class expecting to get ahead of where we were yesterday every single time, we will meet resistance, suffer emotional disappointment, and be further away from our ability to improve and get to our "ultimate goal" (although yoga continually evolves, so there really should be no stopping point. The depth is bottomless.)

This is the irony of western mindset in this practice. To improve, part of your job is to give 100% effort at your place of benefit on that particular day. If you insist on pushing further you may either hurt yourself or impede your progress by over stretching, causing the body to guard, tear, or tighten the next day.

I believe our minds are like that, as well. We have a plan for how we would like our days in general to go, emotionally. Ideally, we'd like to be continually improving in our ability to move though our day with equanimity, handling whatever comes up, and staying in a mental place that allows us to constantly improve our performance at whatever we are endeavoring to do, whether that's writing, balancing a budget, leveraging a buyout or skiing bumps.

But just like our bodies will tighten to loosen in response to our day, our stimulus and our environment, and, over a time, improve in the overall if we are disciplined enough to meet the body where it needs to be met every single time, and then at that place give 100% effort but no more, so do our minds.

The mind needs to have space to run the emotional gamut. And sometimes, we need to step back and watch as emotions run through it. Compassion for that place is not capitulation. Compassion for that place is meeting the mind where it needs to be met so it can process the stresses and inputs of the day. You may have plans for how you, your body, your mind, your wants and your plans should move forward (next run we will be focused, centered, and non judgmental so we can ski better), but if the mind has not caught up to that place because it is still filtering the input from a cumulative effect of hard training and feedback over the course of five days or so, you may not have the run you want, expect and plan to have.

The mind may need to work through self doubt, judgement and quantitative properties, whether you want it to or not. How you allow it to do this will dictate how fast you come back to a place of calm. Letting the mind express those thoughts, observing them, and then letting them pass through you like water through a sieve, or coming up with alternative conversation to the doubt you are hearing about your ability to perform, or your worth, or the worth of your endeavor will help Refocus the mind on the task at hand.

Trying to deny the mind this process would be like sitting on an over stuffed suitcase to get it to close. Eventually, the pressure inside will be too much for the latch, and the whole thing will fail. Now you have a big new mess to clean up and you need a whole new suitcase, you have ruined this one.

Working through this place is important and difficult, because we all wish we didn't have to be here. We all wish we could avoid conflict, especially internal conflict. We are eager to get back to that place where we felt control, and not eager to look in the mirror and watch what ever needs to happen, happen.

I'm talking about taking a moment to let your mind process and catch up, meeting your mind where it needs to be met, with compassion and patience. Observing the process with curiosity while you continue to work. Mindfully changing up the rhythm of the day to ease rather than add to the stress, while still asking the mind to perform.

Giving up and walking away isn't the solution. But a coffee break and some laughter with a friend might be. Allowing yourself to go in to full blown crisis may not be helpful. Training yourself to function while processing is a good thing, it gives depth to discipline. But do it with compassion.

Having a good, stout cry for a few minutes in private can be relieving. Recognizing when you are in over your head and you need advice or a good stout cry on the shoulder of a friend is beneficial as well. Recognizing when you are abdicating your responsibility by dumping your problems on a friend, or allowing yourself to go into crisis because you pushed things down for so long that they are blowing up, or going into crisis so you can make sure that you have friends who love you when you are in a place of self doubt is selfish and destructive, the middle path is quieter, calmer, and will lead you out of this.

observe the process gently so that it is truly a relieving pressure valve and process rather than a pity party. The first has merit for meeting the mind so it can spring back and move forward, the second mires you deeper into misery.

just like in yoga, pay mindful attention to your place of benefit. Check your alignment. Move with compassion. Ask more of yourself, observe the results, back off as necessary, make sure you are able to breathe long and slow through the effort. If you can't, reevaluate your place of benefit. With this mindful approach, your mind will snap back into a place of deep performance faster, healthier and open to process more. With a head down charge forward mindset, you will go only as far as you can until you cause harm, and then you will either stop all together, or spend a long time rehabilitating an injury.

As you deepen your practice, you will find that you rebound back and have greater depth and capacity for work, creativity and discipline with each willingness. Your mind is working like the rubber band that it is, you are going to your place of benefit and growing into yourself. Congratulations!

Beginning again is not beginning again, it's just life

I've written a couple of posts over the years about how frustrating it is when life derails you. And it seems like life derails you just when you a getting into the swing of things. Just when you've been going to the gym for two weeks, just when you've avoided desert for a week, just when you are starting to feel strong.

You go out of town and you eat like crap on the road. You begin to get strong and you get injured. You begin to develop a routine and you get sick.

But these aren't things that are sabotaging you. This is what happens in life. It's not "Are you going to get interrupted" it's "when are you going to get interrupted, how much does it rock you, and how long does it take you to get back after it?"

It's a lot like bump skiing. You are going from the top to the bottom. You are going to get knocked out of balance at least once. At least one of those bumps is going to be bigger than you guessed it would be, the hole after it will be deeper. But you are still moving down the mountain. What do you do when you hit it? How do you regroup?

Do you give yourself grace? Can you make a compassionate choice in the midst of super-frustrating chaos? Yes, your house is a mess and you have over-committed yourself again. What is the plan to get the train back on the rails?

In my own experience, while I was trying to change my life, to re-become a person who had nutrition and fitness and health as a top priority, every time I got sick, or injured or had to travel, or ate poorly, it felt like the road back to the right path was a difficult one.

I was counting in pounds - they seemed so hard to lose, and so easy to gain back. When I looked at life that way, it seemed next to impossible to gain ground. When I had three jobs and no money for yoga, I felt stymied.

But I finally opened my eyes to the fact that I could go for a walk with my kids, and if that was all I could do that day, so be it. I did something.

I realized, somewhere along the way, that if I just kept starting again, eventually I would just be living rather than starting over.

And I realized the other day, when my head touched my knee in yoga, a position my (excellent and talented) surgeon was pretty sure would never happen, that I had started again after surgery, by waking up from surgery and asking to take a walk. That desire to move, because movement leads to healthy, helped me heal. I put my scale away. I stopped counting my health in pounds.

It is true here that I needed to be willing to listen to my wise friends who had been through surgeries like this before me when they told me, "your job is not to get strong right now. Your job is to heal."

That was a hard thing for me to keep in perspective, it was hard for me to know when was pushing to hard, and when I was doing all I could in the boundaries of good healing. My body told me, and I learned to listen to it, and my friends.

It was a three month practice in patience. And then two more months of humility and more patience. My body would get strong in its own time, if I helped it, if I let it, if I asked it consistently, but didn't push it. I had to let go of my fear of being weak, of losing ground, and just be where I was, doing what I could do.

I knew I needed to get strong to make it to the tryout. I lost a huge amount of muscle in the 16 weeks after my surgery in september. I was weak. And flabby. And tired. And in pain. And I had to start again.

But something about this time was different. Maybe I just didn't want to atrophy, maybe it was having the surgery only a few months away from the tryout, but I was motivated to heal. And I didn't have a lot of cash, September and October are not terribly lucrative months in the ski biz. But I got some help from my community, and I looked to people that had been there before me, and I Reprioretized some things.

As soon as I could get a hundred bucks together, it went to the yoga studio. Because I knew that being in the hot room would help me heal. And it became a matter of health that I wish it had not taken a major surgery to teach me. I wish I could have felt permission from myself in my life earlier to do that. To go every day. Because it makes me strong, and healthy, and whole.

Because it gives me energy to play with my kids and do better at my job and it encourages me to fill my body with good, healthy food.

But it took the surgery, and that's okay. And after the surgery, I got healthier. And then I got sick, and I didn't t have to start over. I just went back to yoga after I felt better. I cared for myself long enough to recover and then I went back to the studio. And this time, it didn't feel like a long road back. It took six years to get to a place where I crave exercise. The kind that used to make me groan.

I could get there, after about three weeks of hard work, I could look forward to a workout. To a summit. But I never looked forward to the suffering. And now, the work doesnt feel like suffering, it feels like celebrating, it feels like living, it feels like necessary and wonderful care taking of my body and heart and mind.

And the journey back after a life event (rather than a setback) is just a re entry, not a starting over.
And here's the wonderful part. Now that I've stopped dreading the long journey back, the journey back has gotten shorter. Sometimes, it only lasts an afternoon. And then my routine is so familiar, that my body, in whatever state it is in, healing, healthy, somewhere in between, is just there, and so am I, and we work together to get stronger and more balanced and the journey continues, almost seamlessly.

And it occurs to me that this is not unique to changing fitness, it is unique to changing habit. Whether that's learning to be better with managing money, or time, or anger, or organization, or whatever it is that triggers you to wish that things were different. Change is very hard. It takes diligence, and practice, and grace, and compassion. And a willingness to begin again and again until one day, your beginning is just a continuation.

So stay after it when it feels like you've fallen off the band wagon, or life had thrown you a curve, or your pagan or momentum was interrupted, its going to happen again, thats life, that's living.

Practice starting again over and over and one day you may feel that you aren't starting again. You are just picking back up after the interruption ends, like restarting a conversation. You may need to recap to get back on track, and that's just fine. Welcome back.

Aspen Academy Training News Issue 5

Riding the hairy edge of overtraining!

SO the schedule I set myself was a bit on the WOW side. I have been able to ramp up into it to some extent, but the biggest lesson I've learned on my way to getting stronger is a big reminder that in order to gain strength and fitness, I have to allow my body to FULLY recover between workouts.

This is frustrating to me! But its a great lesson. My body is very different this time around than it was when I was younger, I recovered faster.

Obviously, the most important thing is for me to be on snow, mindfully practicing turning my feet in all different kinds of conditions. But, that being a given, I have to adjust what kind of terrain I'm on, how many hours I'm skiing, and how hard I'm going. Ive spent the last three weeks skiing really slow on groomed terrain because I'm working on changing a movement pattern. I chose to do two hard days, but they were only 31/2 or 4 hours each.

After that, we go into the rest of the training program...

So the first, most important thing is sleep. 8-10-12 hours a night. Your body can not recover if it isn't resting. I'm trying to be in bed by 9:30 and asleep by 10 every night.

The next thing that builds the foundation for fast recovery and strength gain and health is nutrition. When I'm completely devoid of sugar, I recover faster, sleep better, my energy is better.

I've managed to cut out alcohol completely, and reduced my sugar intake massively. I do let myself have a nibble of ice cream about once a week, but honestly, I'm losing my taste for it. Now I see it and I think, ooh, that would be good, and then I have a bite and I think, ugh, that's too sweet. I ate a kit kat during the CS2 exam in Vail because my energy was waning, and that did pop me up, but I felt that sharp slap after. Next time, I'm going for Justin's Peanut Butter instead.

I'm surprised at that change, not craving sugar and not really enjoying it when I have it, but I'm grateful for it. That took about six years... the thing that's harder to change is cutting out grains other than things like Quinoa.

I read the book Wheat Belly, and then started reading and listening to other research on how grains have changed in the last 50 years, how much we consume, and how quickly it turns to sugar. I'm thinking of bread as sugar now, so its easier to cut out. This certainly makes eating on the go more challenging, but I definitely feel better, more consistent energy when I'm away from the grains.

The next most important thing is Bikram Yoga. And yeah, I'm gonna say Bikram. Being in the hot room, letting all the water go through my body, rinsing me from the inside out, working those postures in that order, it heals me. I can go to Bikram every single day, sometimes twice a day, and it undoes all my other training (in a good way). I can adjust the workout to my place of benefit, so sometimes its really a vigorous workout, and sometimes my intention is to heal my legs from training so hard.

If I do other kinds of exercise every day, I get tired and overworked. Bikram is the medicine that heals all of that. If I don't go to class, its because I have a fever or I need to fit in a hard workout. But I am finding that those hard workouts can only happen once or twice a week.

I'm not skinning every other day like I was hoping to, I'm still recovering from other stuff. I have found that a good 20 minute walk or spin down on the bike helps my legs recover, so I'm starting with that. When we went down to the hot springs, I spent time walking around in the pool to try to work out the soreness.

The next most important thing is balance training, so I'm doing trampoline training once a week to improve my spatial awareness and over all athleticism. Its great for the core and hip flexors as well, but I am SO sore after it, its amazing. I don't feel when I'm there like I'm working out at all, but the next day, and for the next three days, I'm in recovery mode.

Skiing on one ski (dropping one at the top and getting after it) is the next most important thing, but it works me hard. Today, I am beginning to feel like I have legs back after skiing on one ski for four hours last Thursday. True, it was a powder day, and that made me work extra hard. But I learned a TON about my movement patterns, especially on my left leg. Then I paid for it for a couple of days.

I am loving Crossfit, and that has been the hardest thing to manage. I feel like a champion every single time I go. I feel like Rocky. I am stronger than I think I am, and the community, and the workout make me feel like a superstar. I get stronger, I get fit, I get sore. BUT.

When I'm that sore from training on snow, I can't go to Crossfit, because we do SO many leg intensive activities. Squats and box jumps are incredible for building strength from skiing, but I'm just not quite in a place where I can train as hard as I am on snow and gain benefit at Crossfit. I'm finding I can make it to Crossfit about once a week, because I won't go if I'm still recovering. And that is the piece that is taking more discipline than anything.

Because I want to be there. Working hard. But I've already injured and over trained my legs twice. Not because of Crossfit, but because of how hard I'm working, and then choosing to go to a workout that I know is going to overload my legs.

That makes me sad, because I want the strength gain, but my smarts tell me that I won't get strength gain if I'm so fatigued that I have to lift my legs up with my hands to get them in the car. (That's how my legs feel while they are recovering. After my one ski day, I was picking my legs up with my hands for three days.)

If I have a deep muscle pain, I can still go to Bikram, but I can't go to Crossfit. And I'm going to use my brain and be smart about this.

I'm eating my bananas, drinking my coconut juice, soaking in Epsom... I got a massage yesterday from Blades (HOLY WOW, hes really REALLY GOOD!) as my left side surgery muscles are aching and my neck is locking up... all that stuff from the surgery is tightening as I'm training, but it definitely feels much more healthy than it has, its getting strong.

I am finding that I can do one of Sharon's hot Vinyassa classes OR Crossfit, but not both in the same week. I'm doing tabatas at home that help fill in the gaps, situps, pushups and pullups, as well as forearm planks to build core and arm strength. That way, I can get the workout in the upper body and core if I can't go to Crossfit or Vinyassa. I'm definitely more worked after Crossfit than Vinyassa, so I pick according to how sore I am.

In this way, I'm gaining strength and balance slowly, pushing the edge and then seeing how long it takes to recover. I want to be sure that I enter tryouts with maximum strength, but also maximum energy. If my legs and body feel slow and heavy, that aint it. So this month is also about paying strong attention to how long recovery is, and what makes me feel like I've peaked.

Doing nothing on big recovery days does not help, there has to be a 20 minute walk or spin down, a soak, a massage, and maybe a Bikram class. And 12 hours of sleep on those days helps a lot.

The journey continues!

Trampoline training at the RedBrick!

Every Thursday night from 7-8pm the Red Brick hosts Adult Gymnastics. Last week I went in for the first time, and I was immediately intimidated by three level 8 competitor 10 year old girls. I caught them doing their ab work, pike pull ups under the balance beam while they were chatting away.

I don't know, is it weird to be inspired by the body of a 10 year old?? They were ripped, and having fun. The level of discipline was amazing. I asked the mom sitting next to me. "yes, she's been doing it since she was 2. She loves it. She practices about 21 hours a week. She'd do more if I let her.". Gymnastics was her world, and the level of excellence she has achieved was truly outstanding.

"Do you live here?" I asked. No, they were from New York. "How does our little Aspen gym stack up to New York?" I asked.

"honestly, it's great!" she said. "The level of coaching here is equal to anything we could find in New York. She always improves when we come to Aspen, and she loves it here. She has friends here who she looks forward to training with." Olympic level sleepovers, I'm sure.

I was set at ease a bit by the idea that the coaching was so good. I have heard that trampoline training is one of the best things you can do for ski training, and I've been longing to do it for six years. My very first coach, Mike Hickey told me to get a trampoline if I could. I couldn't buy one, so I started looking for places to train. Insurance problems prohibited adult gymnastics at out incredible Bozeman facility, and I was out of luck.

Since moving to Aspen, we've been on a tight budget, and tramp training seemed like it was far off. Enter the city of Aspen parks and rec department, there's rock climbing and trampoline at the Red brick for $15 And here I am at trampoline class.

We warmed up on the spring floor and for the first time in my life I pushed myself up into a headstand. I have been nervous about trying them since my surgery, so I've just been going to the prep and working on the position in yoga, but not actually going up. My neck felt good, the floor was soft, and I pressed up.

Next we kicked into handstands and then it was time to do 180s down the tumble track. Other classes were going on around us, the 12-16 year old boys who are killing it in AVSC (the program that created two time x games medalist Torrin Yater Wallace, now a sophomore at Aspen Valley High) were doing corked out triples on the big trampoline continuously.

Tony, our excellent and enthusiastic coach, dragged out a big landing mat and we bounced down the tumble track learning to do "rodeos", jump up, half turn, splits in the air, half turn, land.

After about 20 minutes we were up to 540s and it was time to warm up front flips.

We did forward dive rolls onto the huge fluffy mat and then it was time to land on our feet. The sensation of vertigo was amazing, very different than landing in a swimming pool! I think something about landing in the water head first changes that rotation sensation...

Next it was time to practice form for back flips into the mat, and then... it was into the harness on the big tramp for backup flips.

I have not laughed and giggled like that since I was six. It was unbelievable to be flying through the air and having so much fun. I'd say it's one of the best natural mood lifters I've ever experienced. I was hooked. And the next morning when I woke up and my core was completely super sore for the next three days, I knew that I had worked out hard, but at the time, I hadn't even noticed.

I spent the next week waiting for Thursday so I could bring Kurt and watch him giggle his way down the tumble track. Thursday was last night, and he did not disappoint. The laugh feat began, and sure enough, several back flips later, my core is wicked sore again!

 

Health and fitness and planning update...

I've been sick for almost a month, with a brief two day respite between horrible icky colds. The worst part is, my kids haven't even been sick this year! Im wondering if I'm not more susceptible to it because my body is still healing from the surgery in my neck. Whatever it is, I feel like I'm becoming an expert at working while sick, healing slowly, and then restarting my fitness regime. It's time to just take the right number of days off and heal all the way, for heavens sake!

I'm so grateful for Kurt for that reason, he is my leverage in the reality corner. His pragmatism, combined with his own understanding of nutrition and fitness and rest and recovery helps me to push myself harder than I otherwise would, and make sure at the same time that im not over training. He helps me keep my schedule as a plan, which is mutable should my body need more rest. I'm learning to not need a motivator other than myself, to work so hard with accountability only to me, no workout partner, just people I run into when I am working out. I feel so much more connected to myself, my motivations and my understanding than I ever have.

It used to be a scary chore to train by myself, and it took six years of practice and the guidance of this string, opinionated, super smart man who I respect so much to teach me to do it on my own, by me, for me, with critical thinking and foresight for consequence guiding me.

So here I am, mostly healed and getting healthier every day. I still have a minor cough and a sore throat, and my energy is a bit lower than normal, but I'm 90% healed and I need to get back at it. It was really hard to take the extra five days or so of total rest that I needed to get to this point, I just wanted to get back to Crossfit in a way that was making me feel crazy. And my neck hurts if I don't go to Bikram yoga regularly.

So here we are, I started up slowly. Back to yoga day 1, and a day of easy skiing with a client. Which was good, because I still don't have good endurance back. Day 2, 8am Crossfit another day of easy skiing, swimming with the kids at the arc, and then a couple of hours with Mark Rolfus working on a boot issue.

Today, rest day again, took the kids to Glennwood hot springs to soak my Super Intense Super Spreness out of my body and encourage them to swim laps by accident. They both can swim twice across the pool with no rest! That's an improvement! Back home for dinner (kale, beets, onions and asparagus, goji and coconut for desert) and then an hour of trampoline class! (so fun, more on that coming).

Tonight, I feel healthy, rested, and not exhausted, which feels great. I feel like things are starting to click into place, and I am finally feeling healthy, and stronger. I feel positive.

So I'm looking forward to building up to the level of activity that I would have liked to have been doing since September, but because of life, I'm getting to now. I'm happy and grateful to have the use of my hand and to be healthy, so while it would have been nice to start earlier, it's really nice to be starting now!!

Here's the plan im working up to for the next 56 days:

Mondays: Crossfit, ski, run, Bikram

Tuesdays: Skin, First Tracks One ski drills, ski, Bikram

Wednesday: Crossfit, ski, Bikram, tune, Run,

Thursday: skin, first tracks no poles drills, ski, Trampoline class

Friday: Crossfit, ski, Bikram, Run

Saturday: ski, Bikram, tune

Rest day (except for ski with client) massage, maybe Bikram

Food: no alcohol, no sugar (except from some fruit but not much and no juice other than coconut), reduced carbs (ESP breads), lots and lots of nutrient dense vegis, fiber, and so on. Lots of water, almost a gallon a day. Fish 3x per week. About 4700 calories a day.

Maintenance: keep gear in good shape, in bed by 9 asleep by 10 (whoops missing that one tonight), weekly massage to keep neck healthy with new load on it. Good healthy food and lots of water. As much sleep as possible. If I'm still sore or fatigued, no workout that day. The last thing to go off the daily schedule is Bikram as I eliminate things to fit with the health picture of the day. Epsom salt baths have become a nightly experience. 14 hours of sleep on Sundays.

Game on, let's play!

 

 

Aspen Ski School Flash MOB!! So cool!

Its official, we work for the coolest ski school on the planet!!

Aspen Academy Training News Volume 1, Issue 4

Rocky Mountain Trainer Results and National Team Selection Results!!

Taking work very seriously...

It has been an incredible week. On Saturday, we wrapped filming for Go With a Pro, four days of shooting ski tips for National TV, shot by PSIA. That was a fun, exciting experience, and a great pressure situation to put myself in. I got to practice standing around and then performing to my potential, while staying in a good, happy, easy frame of mind. It was a really wonderful experience!

Saturday afternoon, Kurt and I got together to train a bit and refocus toward the upcoming Rocky Mountain Trainer Exam, which began on Monday. We made some big leaps in my understanding, and I had something really specific to focus on.

Sunday, we got up early and went in to tune the two pairs of identical skis I have for tryouts and selections this year. We worked hard on them, and then I went and met Dennis Handley and Cindy Lou to test the tune and do a couple of runs. It was great to ski with both of them, Cindy is such an outstanding skier and she has this wonderful energy that keeps me honest and focused. Dennis gave me a great picture in the bumps and we worked on the crud skiing portion.

Dancing on the job...

My kids hooked up with us about 1pm and we went and played in the Sherwood Forest, a super fun black tree run which is now Bodhi's favorite. After that on the way down, we pulled up at MAC 6, a short double black, and I asked Bodhi what he thought.

"I can ski that", he said, and dropped right in. He skied it like a champ with Ethan and Tom cheering him on, and we called it a day.

Monday morning, I woke up with a fever of 102. The walk to the bathroom from bed was exhausting. I laid down on the floor and thought, Uh-oh. This doesn't feel a lot like high performance skiing... but they only give the RMT exam once a year, and I really wanted to participate, so off I went. I made the last load for the chair at 8:28, four minutes late, and we were off and running.

The RMT group was skiing very strong, and it was great to get out there and focus, even with this horrific cold, which was turning into full blown super sick quickly. I was trying to keep it under wraps as much as I could, but I was feeling so crappy that over the course of the day, I had to lay down in between manouvers to recover some energy before the next chair ride.

I wasn't the only one suffering, two other candidates were sick, one was recovering from a severe concussion, and we all soldiered on, supporting each other. By the end of the day, it was all I could do to keep my eyes open as my skin broke out in goose bumps and my body ached in rushing flashes. I was exhausted and I felt like if I could just straight run to the bottom, that would be better than having to turn my skis.

On day 2, we had our indoor MA session. I laid down in an office before my session and promptly fell deeply asleep. I was dreaming. I woke up suddenly and didn't know where I was or what was going on. It was my turn to go in. I was pretty incoherent in my MA session, they said that technically the information I gave was accurate, but it was really hard to follow. (I'm not at all surprised.)

I went home to Kurt's and fell asleep. When I woke up around 6 that night, I had no idea what I had said in MA.

On Wednesday, I had a feeling I was skiing just below the bar, but I was happy to participate. I wanted to give it my best and get the feedback, and I knew that if I did get invited to Nationals, I would probably be skiing at 60-70 %, like I was now, and I needed to know where that would score.

Wednesday was also the day that the candidates would be announced who had been selected to go to the National Tryouts. I turned off my phone. I didn't want to be distracted. About 10:30 I turned it back on on the chairlift to send a text, and there was an email from PSIA.

Erik and Colby demonstrate bootfitting at the RMT exam...

I was terrified. If I looked at it and I wasn't invited, how would I perform for the rest of the day for RMT? But now that I knew it was there, I couldn't not look. Here's what I saw:

Dear Katheryne:

We are pleased to inform you that you are invited to the on-snow portion of the PSIA-AASI 2012 Alpine Team Selection.

The application review team has reviewed your application packet, and evaluated your writing samples and video. Based upon this review and your experience in the field, we feel you possess many of the qualities that are vital to being a successful team member.
To continue in the selection process, you are required to attend the on-snow selection event at Snowbird, UT, beginning the evening of April 22nd through April 26th. The on-snow event will provide you the opportunity to further demonstrate additional skills and abilities that team members exhibit daily as inspirational educators, lifelong learners, and inspirational athletes. Additional details and information regarding particulars of the selection event are below. 

I let out the hugest whoop and holler... I had made it! I was invited to go! This feeling of incredible elation filled me up, and I wanted to share it. I immediately texted my friends who had also applied, urging them, check your email!! The invitations are out!!

Exams and selections are always hard because it is a competition against yourself. You either have put together what the selectors need to pass or hire you, or you haven't. We have all been in situations where people that we train with, people who have trained us, have not been selected, or we haven't' and they have. Balancing your joy with the sadness of watching team mates and training partners not pass is really hard.

The training group in Aspen has been working closely together for years. For many years before I moved here and for the three years since I've been here we have been a tightly knit group, supporting each other and cheering each other on, being willing to speak frankly with each other, being willing to say what is real and hard to hear in order to grow.

Yeah, Kolby has this in the bag. RMT exam nerves...

Many of the group from Aspen were invited, and some people were not. It was more difficult that day to finish RMT wondering who of my team mates had been selected, and hoping that they all had been, and worrying what it would be like if they weren't.

I screwed my head back on and got back in the game after a couple of wobbly pivot slips, and refocused. Celebrate National Invite later, (oh my god, I'm going To the Show!), finish this exam first.

One good thing that came from looking at the email was that I got a big burst of energy which sustained me almost through the crud skiing section. By the time we got down for indoor presentations, I was wiped out.

Then came the long wait for results.

Results for National Invites came trickling in. I was wondering who had been invited from other divisions who I've trained with and chatted with and dreamed with.

Every single person who applied that I know has dedicated their lives to being a professional ski instructor. These are people who work back to back seasons year round, who uproot their families, who live on shoe string budgets to help people learn to love this sport. These are people who are examiners in multipule divisions, who spend their entire paycheck on certification and travel to gain the qualifications and depth of knowledge that they need to be the best that they can be.

I sat on the stool in Out of Bounds bar, with Tom and the boys, Kurt, and my friends all around. People came to support the candidates on their day off, and sat, waiting for results. Schanzy was their with the kids, Will was there, Alex came, just to be there and say good luck.

Finally, results came. I had missed the skiing by 9/10 of a point. I did really well in the teach. My indoor MA score was low. The feedback was really positive, and I was so happy it was over. Now I could go to bed for the next two days before I get to get back to the business of actually teaching a client.

Two of my teammates in training did not get invited, and it was really heartbreaking to find that out. Two more of the RMT candidates, who killed it and who passed their trainer's accred, did not get selected for Nationals. It was a bittersweet night.

We rounded up the kids, Kurt got on his bike and rode home, and I crawled into my bed and passed out. I slept around the clock except for the odd coughing fit until the next evening. I'm finally out of bed today, and the bathroom doesn't feel like such an arduous journey to get to.

Its a bit unreal this morning. I'm going to tryouts. I have six weeks to dial my skiing. I'd love to be hired for the job of team member, but the point of this whole experiment was to go to the tryout. I feel hugely grateful for the community of friends, and family, and sponsors, and benefactors that have made this possible. I get to go live my dream and ski at the Nationals in April!

Thank you for helping make it possible.

Go With a Pro filming in Aspen!

Megan Harvey works the boom while Jonathan Ballou talks about bump skiing

It has been another amazing week! This week, PSIA National came to Aspen to film an hour long TV segment called Go With a Pro. I was SUPER excited and flattered and honored and TERRIFIED to be invited to join the group for filming.

Andy Docken and I film our tip on carving

On Tuesday night, we all got together to hear what it was we'd be doing for the next four days, and to brainstorm on ski tips. The group was Kevin Jordan, Katie Ertl, Megan Harvey, Andy Docken, Jim Schanzenbaker, Charlie Macarthur, Jonathan Ballou and myself.

Andy Hawk works the boom while Katie, Kevin and Charlie kick it.

The meeting was fun, and exciting and inspiring, and I knew the next four days would be challenging, but really exciting!  I was looking forward to it as a great training opportunity as well, standing around and then being put on the spot, on camera, and having to get it right the first time with an authentic smile on your face is a challenge for sure!

Andy Docken shows how the ski slices through the snow

And, of course, I was honored to be asked to join, so I really wanted to represent and bring my best for the ski school. The bad part about that is that you put a lot of pressure on yourself. The good part about that is that our ski school is SO AWESOME that

We have filmed everything from early morning clinics, to Josh Fogg's outstanding MA session, to ski tips, indoor interviews about the training culture in Aspen, the town itself, and they also filmed a talk I gave on building trust. We also filmed Trainer Passport day, which was really fun, I ran into a bunch of folks I haven't got to ski with yet this year, and we got to rip up some laps together in 5" of fresh snow!!

The days have been long and the feet have been cold, but the experience is really relaxing, enjoyable and fun. Its awesome to watch my fellow pros shine, to see how they perform under pressure, and to hear how they think about skiing, and watch them explain it to the national tv audience.

I have learned SO MUCH in the last few days! Look for the ski tips on YouTube off the snowpros.org website, and watch for the full show on the Outdoor Network starting next fall!

Katie and Kevin do their tip together

Matt from Rival Films captures the action

Katie and Kevin talk about smearing the ski

Jonathan Ballou films his tip while Kevin works the boom

Schanzy films his tip on Aspen Highlands today

Knowing, Believing, Guessing, Wondering, Being Unsure

What a wild ride this is becoming. Its interesting to watch myself ping pong every couple of hours back and forth between:

This is insane, I am so far away from where I need to be with my feet that I have bitten off WAY more than I can chew, what was I even THINKING?

to:

Wow, that was a big change, that is sticking, and my understanding is unfolding, too, so maybe if I stay with it, over the next 70 days, what I have will be enough. (Should I get invited.)

to:

Holy shit, I need to re read every technical skiing book I own for the sixth time, so that I can read it from this place, and understand it better.

to:

Now that I've bitten this off, I guess I'd better chew. Humble pie for dinner again.

to:

out right fear

to:
excitement for the process and the journey

to:
periods of calm and good focus that feel good, sane, and in line with where i am now, rather than worrying about where I'd like to get to

to:
holy crap, where I'd like to get to is reaaaaallllllyyyyyy far away.

to:
who knows? stranger things have happened. (I hope)

And I think that this is just kind of part of the journey. I think its good to check in with reality and then live in possibility. If I only lived in possibility, I would have no concept of where the ground really was, and where I was working from. If I only live in the reality of where I am or was, I will never believe change is possible.

So its become this strange blend of beating the crap out of myself only to come up for air and go, well, this place is nice, too, lets work here and believe in the future.

Sometimes, I'm overwhelmed with a sense of calm that I'm moving smoothly in the right direction, regardless of whether I get there or not, that's not the point. That's a nice place to live, its really productive.

In the midst of all of that is just the simple, repetitive process of getting out there on the snow, and turning my feet again and again and again.

Which leaves me here: Just keep working. Work is prayer. Each turn is an opportunity to learn. I will either arrive in one destination or another, regardless, the journey is tremendous.

The Ritual of the Boot

About 40 hours of work over 19 days on these

Today, I got up late after sleeping about 14 hours. I'm trying to kick this cold that I've had for two weeks. Its not awful, but it is definitely slowing me down. I came out in my jammies, to find the boys, who are also sick, on the couch playing a game together.

I made french toast for breakfast, and the coffee was ready finally, and I sat down with the boys. We started talking about being able to laugh at yourself (Bodhi got his feelings hurt when we were teasing), and I told them the story of the day that Josh Spuhler and Joe Krakker took me up the ridge for the first time.

It was a good story, and the boys were laughing, and asking questions, and calling me a gaper, and it was great. Liat came over, ready to go, and I pulled myself together to go train. Liat had offered to film me for the day so I can do some diagnostics and hone my on snow training.

Twice a day all season. Not good.

It was an incredibly beautiful day, the sun was shining, we had got about 2" of fresh snow the night before, and it was chilly but beautiful. We went into the locker room and said hi to Weems and Meesh, and I unzipped my boot bag and got to work.

As I was going through my ritual, I realized that I had this incredibly content feeling going through me. I started sort of watching what I was doing, and I realized that I was happy to put my boots on. They feel so good now, and I take good care of them.

After cooking in the boot bag all night, they are warm and soft in the morning. The liners are snug to my foot, they fill every space around the bones, holding my foot against the shell without any hard pressure on my foot. If I twitch my foot, the boot moves. I move the tongue of the boot around, and push it down into the crease of my foot.

I kick the heel of the boot into the floor twice, forward once, and down onto the heel once more. I pull on the tongue and re-seat it.

I buckle the bottom buckle one, the next one is hard to close, even on its furthest setting. I buckle it down for the moment, but I will come back and unbuckle it once the top two are done.

I buckle the third on one, and then the top on two. I unbuckle the second buckle. I buckle the third on two and the top on three. I do up the built in power strap. I reach back into my bag, into the mesh pocket on the inside and pull out a booster strap. This I wrap around the liner of the boot and pull it snug, so that the liner is tight to my leg.

Testing the new liners in Whistler

I reach into the bottom zipper pocket on my bag and pull out the batteries for my boots. I put one on the chair next to me, and I clip one onto the outside of my booster strap. I plug the end of the heater into the battery, and turn it on. I turn it up just one more, and wait for the light. I check it to make sure the connection is good and its on the right setting.

I reach back into the bag and get my boot gloves. I used to be embarrassed to wear them, because they are ugly and dorky. But my feet don't get cold anymore when I wear them, so now, I don't look dorky, I have warm feet.

I just read somewhere that with "cold" feet, athletes lose about 30% of their balancing skills. With frozen feet, athletes lose about 47% of their ability to balance. I was freezing, to waxy white, my feet twice a day. Not good.

Kipp comes up and we start to chat. I worry for just a moment, I don't want to miss a step, be rushed, or not concnetrate on my boots. But I like Kipp, I don't get to talk to him very often, and I don't know him well, so I want to take the opportunity to connect. I pay attention to the next step, and then give my attention to Kipp, knowing that the step will get completed correctly automatically. Putting on my boots has become like lacing up my skates. This weirdly hypnotic, meditative, repetitive motion with a life of its own, that always feels like I just did it five minutes ago. Its it really another, different day? It seems like I was just sitting here, doing this, only Montana was outside, and I was in the Level 3 prep clinic.

I reach back into my bag and pull out my other heavy, perfect, warm boot. I slide my foot inside and set the tongue. The whole process repeats, in exactly the same order, on the other side.

Kipp and I wrap up our conversation, and I finish up, listening to the familiar humm of the locker room. A ski school is an amazing place to work, and the Highlands has its own particular good vibe. Weems sets an easy tone, but the place is humming. People take a lot of pride in their jobs here, they are proud to work for Ski Co, proud to be good at what they do, and they are generally really happy to do what they do.

Listening to the teasing, and banter, putting on the boots just so sets me into motion, tells me I am about to go push myself in places that are exciting and scary and fun and sometimes dangerous. I'm going to go play in the snow just like my kids. And there's a chance I'll do something dumb like jump off the roof. And if I don't get in trouble, it might be really fun. And my feet are ready to play. They are well taken care of. They can feather and release and edge and stomp. I can feel them like I haven't before.

I look at Liat. I'm sick as a dog. But if we go train now, when I'm at 60%, I'll have an idea of what my skiing looks like under that kind of pressure. I'll see what my default looks like. That's what has to be above the line. Not my best skiing ever. But the skiing I can depend on when I'm tired, and sore, and don't feel good.

We head outside and get after it on Deception, SodBuster and Moment of Truth. The snow is chalky, the bumps are huge and spiney. I'm with my sister, who is smiling and hooting, and navigating these giant bumps on her snowboard with her camera in her hand.

We film for two hours, and my eyes are burning, and my skin is achy. But we have good footage to look at tonight, and I got to play with my sister in the snow.

Later that night, I'm on the couch with my boys, watching a ski movie. They are smiling and laughing while Cody West does a hand drag on a rail while talking to his mom on the phone. Bodhi falls asleep on me watching the movie mumbling about wanting to go camping at the hotsprings in the movie. I sneak out from under him and check my boot bag.

Happier feet, marked for punching.

Its in its usual place, at the end of the bench. I take out my socks, my coat, and re zip it. I unzip the plug from its pocket and plug it in. I double check the light on the switch is all the way on, that it's on "dry". I unzip the lowest outside pocket and take out my batteries. I take them over to the charger under my desk and plug them in. I double check the connections and check that the light is on.

I feel that same sensation of contentment, of rhythm, of ritual. I am soothed by knowing I am preparing for tomorrow, doing all the small things I can do to make tomorrow's training session go well, and smoothly. I am taking care of my feet so that they can feel everything tomorrow. Tomorrow, they need to be in good shape. Because tomorrow, I ski with Ethan and Bodhi.

Building Trust for Repeat Business: Encore Presentation!

I was asked to give my Building Trust for Repeat Business talk again this coming Thursday, Feb 9 at 4:30pm at the Highlands Conference room.

I'm excited to have this opportunity to share this information with folks in the ski school who might benefit from it and who may not have had the opportunity to participate at Pro Fair.

The presentation is about 40 minutes long, and pros can sign up on the training website under Global: Building Trust.

Skiing on a Trampoline... off of a Cat... In B.C... my life is charmed, I'm pretty sure...

At the very end of my trip, I got to go cat skiing with Powder Mountain. And one of the best parts was... I got to take a friend! We were close to going in the helicopter... but the reason I had extended the trip was because of this huge storm that was coming in. The temperature plummeted and the snow started piling up, 20-40cm a night for several nights in a row. 

Gettin' my bounce on in Squamish. (photo by Powder Mountain. Gear by Strafe, POC, Leki)

Because of the cold temps, the snow was epicly light and very very deep. Since my friend Blayne lives there and has his own truck, we opted out of the shuttle that leaves right from the Gone Bakery in Whistler Village. My big fat powder skis hadn't come yet, so I demoed a pair of Rossignol Super 7s just to see what other companies are doing in ski design. I had heard a lot about these skis, so I was eager to try them out.

Loading the cats for a day of happiness...

I was pretty psyched to give the Strafe gear a test in the deep snow, as well. Cat skiing seemed like an interesting task for the clothing, could it breathe while I sweated like crazy, but keep me warm, keep the moisture off my skin? As expected, it out performed any outerwear I've been in so far. Beauty. The cut and fit are awesome, I could move really well in it, and I didn't get wet (minus some powder flowing down the neck of the coat, but that was only because of the AWESOME FACE SHOTS, so you know, I really can't complain...)

Whistler/Blackcomb in the distance, deep powder and steep lines straight ahead!

We headed to Powder Mountain, about 20 minutes down the road from Whistler, listening to music and chatting. I was super excited to get out free skiing in virgin, untracked steep snow.

The Powder guys were amazing, super friendly and professional, and of course, Blayne knew everyone there. (He's a bartender at Dusty's on the Creekside side of Whistler Mountain. Go say hi if you are in the area! Chances are, he'll remember your name the next time.)

BT getting ready to play!

One of the guides looked at me and said, "Don't I know you from somewhere?" I couldn't imagine where that might be, but then he nailed it. "You were coming out Singing Pass the other day with your friend! We crossed the creek together!" Awesome!

The goods. At speed. Bliss! (photo by Powder Mountain, gear by Strafe, POC, Leki)

We loaded up into the cats and headed out into... another weather hole! It was amazing!  We ended up having a bluebird pow day in the middle of some nasty weather all around us. The experience on the cat was outstanding, $499 for a full day, unlimited runs, with excellent guiding and terrain selection.

Jeff ski cutting before the drop

We did a practice beacon search first, which was really great, I haven't had a group do that yet. Then, off we went, a short section to make sure the group was cohesive and then we split from the other cat. Our group was skiing quite strong, and so we ventured into some steeps and some features, mini couloirs and some drops and jumps. The snow was so deep and stompy, and the skis, quite honestly, were amazing powder tools. We were giddy with excitement and ready to play!

looking out the cat window

I experienced feelings that I've never felt in my body before, the wonderful wonderful feeling of flying down the mountain, no resistance, speed not being an issue, just flying, floating, staying in the turn just because it was too fun to leave! I heard a sound I've never heard before, too, the rrrrraaaaatttt! of the snow tearing as I came through it.

BT shredding

We probably got 10 runs or more, skiing through tight trees, down some narrow squeezed out trees and then blam! out into a big open meadow where you could just let them rip. BT had this huge smile on his face all day, and he's quite inspirational to ski with. He's pretty quiet, but I could tell he was blissing out by the ridiculous permagrin.

It turns out that one of the guys on the cat was room mates in New Zealand with a friend of mine from Bridger Bowl in Montana, who now works in Aspen. The kid turned around in the seat and asked, "Hey, you're from Aspen, do you know Neil Lande?" Why yes, I do! Neil and I took a road trip to Aspen a couple of years before either of us moved here, and the experience was amazing for both of us. Neil now tunes for the Adaptive World Cup team, pretty impressive. But then again, he's a pretty impressive person.

After a full day playing in the pow, we headed back into the lodge, where our photographer was waiting for us with some excellent Powder Mountain label suds and a dvd of our adventure already cued up and playing.

Tasty Brews waiting at the bottom...

All in all, it was one of my most fun days of skiing ever, and to get to share it with Blayne, to get to watch him just open it up and rip around, play and bounce, to laugh in the cat, and make friends from all over, to see Neil's friend and be connected back to Bridger and to Aspen, to see the kid's MOM skiing in the deep pow, so proud of her son... it was another day that reminded me what I love about the ski community. We are all in search of bliss. And we all have a friend in common. The snow!

The Luge Run of Death and other Whistler Adventures...

Marilyn Manso points to some options...

While I was up in Whistler, I had the wonderful opportunity to go out touring with Marilyn Manso, an incredible local legend who has been touring the back and side country long enough to know every tree, shot and aspect from Flute all the way to Cowboy Ridge and probably beyond.

I love to go out touring! It is the strangest experience, usually, we are in for a mixed bag of weird goods that you are not sure you will ski well because your legs are toast from walking up the mountain.

Its also the most wonderful way to make a new friend and see their home. Walking around together on your feet in the snow, you have the opportunity to chat, to listen, and to learn.  Marilyn is incredibly adventurous, not to mention stunningly beautiful, and full of laughter, love and adventure. Her heart is huge, and I knew we were going to be friends the moment she tried to steal my wineglass about five minutes after I met her.

Marilyn skiing out, our first break from the ice!

I warned her ahead of time that I'm not the fastest person out there on AT gear. (And it turns out, she might be the fastest person out there, wow this lady is FIT.) She had no problem with that, and we made plans to go for a nice tour on the coldest day of the year in a snowstorm. Because, well, that's the day we had, and hey, I'm always up for a little adventure.

We had a chance to chat about the fact that secretly, neither of us really wanted to go out in this weather. I thought it was hilarious that we both showed up, geared up, ready to go, but we had both been thinking, man, the weather is going to suck! I thought hmm, my feet might freeze, I might not be fit enough, my boots might be too heavy... But I had given my word, because if I had the chance to tour in Whistler, and make a new friend who liked to tour, I was not going to pass it up.

Marilyn showed up for the same reason. She had made a commitment because she knew it would make her show up.  That way she knew she would have an adventure when she would otherwise stay inside.

Turns out that the skin up was cold with super low visibility, but as soon as we were out the gate and rolling down the slope, it was warm, with good light and light fluffy snow. It's always worth it, somehow.

Peak to Peak above us as we ski out of Singing Pass

But I'm getting ahead of myself. We met up in the morning at the Wizard Grill at the Blackcomb base, where I borrowed a pair of big fat Solomon skis with Fritsche bindings to put my Alpine boots in, which at this point weigh about 15 pounds each. I was glad to get a chance to test out the new Strafe Outerwear, as its made primarily for touring.

Speaking of Strafe, it's by far the best touring gear I've ever been in, huge vents, lots of great pockets in smart places, totally water tight, cut well for good layering, lots of options, the pants are bibs, you can snap the coat to the waist, the powder skirt zips out... it performed well in rain, sleet, powder, touring and skiing off the cat. Yup, I'm sold. 

It was so cold we ended up going in for a coffee and visiting before heading out into the wild blue yonder, which was very civilized and not at all what I'm used to. (Thinking back to 4am starts and trying to dial my system so that I'm not slow changing over, or eating, or skinning...)

We headed up the chair and went out the avalanche gate at Symphony onto the Flute side, after a short 40 minute skin or so, we found what Marilyn was looking for ("My kid told me to look for the dead tree, the snow is supposed to be great".)

We traversed across and found a nice long shot with just one track in it, and away we went. These were the first turns I'd made on these skis, and the powder was mid thigh deep. I was wondering what my turns would be like, I haven't done much touring in the winter, most of my touring is done in the spring and summer, so the snow is usually variable, wind slab, sun cupped, corn,  refrozen avy debris; in short weird snow that changes every two turns. You know, all that good stuff.

It was unreal to get out there and see this long, fairly steep shot just full of joy waiting for me. Marilyn pinted the way and said, "Go for it."

One of my favorite pass times in Whistler...

I hopped in and landed on a trampoline, my skis sprang back up and I realized that all the time on the cat last year had paid off, I could finally ski powder with confidence and (dare I say it...) wild abandon. We spent the rest of the day hunting for shots like this, chasing bliss.

As usual, I learned a lot: a new way to apply the G3 skins, a great way to pull them off in the wind, and a recipe for the best pick me up on a cold day I've ever had. (Ginger tea, brewed with lemon, add a shot of Contreau, drink on the summit. Yum!) 

Marilyn asked me if I wanted another 20 minute skin back into bounds, or a 45 minute downhill adventure in an icy bobsled luge run. That sounded a lot like every other end of the day where you have to ski back out on the hiking trail, so I opted for the luge run.

Now, I had heard stories about Singing Pass from Brian Campbell, the master bootfitter at TopShelf Bootfitting in Whistler. Over a glass of scotch or three, he had told me some great stories about coming back in from Cowboy Ridge.

"Make sure you go with someone who knows it well, because there are two or three hairpin turns, and if you aren't ready for them, wow. Away you go, eh?" Right. But, you know, people often exaggerate stuff like that. How bad could it be?

Answer: probably one of the most terrifying things I've ever done. Wow was I glad for the tiny bit of canting we had done on my boots the day before, I needed every single little bit of help I could get not to lose my edge and end up shooting off this 900 foot cliff into the huge trees below.

This is the "good"snow, and it was still bulletproof!

For 45 minutes, we skied, terrified, laughing, and constantly turning left down an off camber hiking trail, with no way to stop or slow down.

It was a great opportunity to practice mental performance, as the consequences of a mistake were huge.  Giving into fear would only cause the mistake to happen, trying to slow down on ice would only over edge the ski and make it slide out from under me.

It reminded me of slipping the World Cup Course. Don't try to shed speed, just let the skis go and try to stay with them. No big deal when you are sliding down the fall line going straight. Kind of a big deal when you are turning left on something that's falling away from you, with nothing to help you deflect the ski back on to the tiny little track. It was an exercise in staying focused, present, and confident that I could do this, was doing it right, and that the consequences for not doing it right were so severe that there wasn't another option.

I had expected the "luge run" to be sort of cupped, as most hiking trails are, but this was just a slant for most of the way, mountain to your left, sloping trail, cliff with treetops to your right. 

One of a hand full of creek crossings

Staying in that mental place for a half hour straight was interesting, there is a boredom in the terror that develops, which has no place at all in a high stakes game. I found myself constantly waking myself up to the situation, and then having to manage the huge thrill of fear that immediately followed the moment of cogniscence.

"How are you doing this and not messing up? Oh! Shit! If I mess up, I'm going off the cliff! I wish I could stop or slow down, I'm afraid that the next turn will be where I make the mistake!"

And there in lies the problem, now I'm thinking about what might happen, how bad it CAN be if I do mess it up on the next turn. How can I be aware of the stakes and making the decision to do something RIGHT without letting that understanding make me defensive? I tried to be diagnostic. "How do you ski ice? (That's only two feet wide, sloping toward a cliff, and constantly turning left...)" Answer: Pro actively and without trying to stop. You will function with conviction and hope you guess right.

Happy to be exploring!

We experienced moments of relief and happiness when the bridge crossings were not iced over, we were able to stop, hike across or ski across, and look at each other. I love Marilyn's natural willingness to play, we were committed, and so we skied it. It went beyond making the best of it, and granted, she has skied it many times before... (I'd say it's in the top 3 of the shape it's been in! This is great!) But something that was truly wonderful was that at no time did she waste energy wishing that the trail was other than it was. 

In that place, I found a kindred spirit. She was so present, willing to be right where she was and willing to work hard to do what needed to be done in this moment, and then in the next, that we spent what could have been a scary and dangerous afternoon full of fear, playing and smiling and talking while we managed the risks at hand.

Visiting BC was so wonderful this way. Almost everyone that I met was incredibly welcoming, authentic, and happy to share their world with me. Once again, I felt every moment, so lucky to be connecting and seeing the world in another new way.